My interview with James Deen for Interview magazine

The typical male adult-film star can work for decades without name recognition, their heads usually sliced off by the camera, their true role to serve as "cock props" for their popular female counterparts. James Deen, at the age of 25 and after upwards of 2000 film appearances (he also directs and produces), has managed to become one of the few true male stars of porn, known for his normal, unsculpted physique and old fashioned handsomeness - rare qualities among porn's beefcake. His notoriety has reached past the adult film community, into the blogs of admiring young women (wordofjamesdeen.tumblr) and onto ABC's Nightline, which claimed that Deen "knowingly attracted young girls to pornography." It's this combo of stardom and sex that makes for a crossover role in the new film by writer, Bret Easton Ellis, whose attraction to glamour and debauchery has continually defined his career. Directed by Paul Schrader and starring Lindsay Lohan and Gus Van Sant, The Canyons will be released in 2013 and will depict decadent living in contemporary Los Angeles. While Deen had no initial interest in acting in mainstream films before he was asked to do the role, he took the offer because it sounded "fun," a word that unsurprisingly dictates most of his life choices. I spoke to Deen on the phone while he cruised around Pasadena, California. -Ross Simonini

ROSS SIMONINI: The Canyons is your first non-adult, feature role?

JEAMES DEEN: Yeah.

SIMONINI: Has your acting in adult film prepared you at all for acting in a feature film?

DEEN: Absolutely. It's not that much different. In adult film, the hardest thing isn't having sex in front of a stranger or a large group of people. That's actually not that difficult. There are a lot of people who can do that or are into that. The hard part is going from a dead stop in a conversation like you and I are having now, to immediately getting yourself into an aroused mindset. It's the same switch with all acting, though I suppose method actors don't have that problem. But I'm not a method actor. My technique is, I read the script - I read every word on the page - and then I try to do what it says on the page. The coaching I had before this role actually hasn't helped me at all.

SIMONINI: In adult films, is the arousal always there? Or are you conjuring it up?

DEEN: In the beginning it was like that, but now I'm picky and I work with same production companies over and over. The job of a director is basically to play matchmaker and find two people who have good sexual chemistry. When I direct, that's what I do. I ask, Will this guy and girl look good together? Will they have a good time? My theory is, don't do anything you don't want to do. The people I work with have a similar mentality. 

SIMONINI: What's your role in The Canyons? 

DEEN: I play a guy named Christian, a trust fund kid in his twenties. I get off on power control and always have to be the most controlling person in my room. 

SIMONINI: Is the role connected to your work in adult film? Is that why you were chosen?

DEEN: It has sex in it, but it's not very sexual. It's like a lot of Bret Easton Ellis' work. In American Psycho, the sex is really about narcissism. There's that great scene where Christian Bale is having a three way and he spends the whole time looking in the mirror, making faces and flexing his muscles. It's like that. Classic Bret.

SIMONINI: I read that you've wanted to be in porn since kindergarten -

DEEN: As long as I can remember.

SIMONINI: And that you started "practicing" for porn since age 14. What does that mean?

DEEN: I was listening to Love Line with Dr Drew on KROQ and Jenna Jameson was on the show. All these guys kept calling in and saying how they could fuck her better, how they had a bigger dick than porn stars and so forth. After an hour and a half of this, she finally said, you know what? If you want to do porn, this is what you do. Bring a folding chair into a room with twenty people in it - whether you know them or not - and start jerking off. If you can get wood, stay hard for an hour and then, when someone yells "cum" and you can cum within thirty seconds of that - well, then you can do porn. I listened to that and thought, that doesn't sound too bad. So I started going to parties and meeting girls and having sex with them in front of crowds. I was nurturing my exhibitionism, enjoying what it felt like to be naked in public. That was my practice.

SIMONINI: Are you an exhibitionist in all aspects of your life?

DEEN: Yes.

SIMONINI: How often do you work?

DEEN: When I was younger I did 2 or 3 scenes today. Now I do one scene a day, pretty much every day. I book myself for thirty days, one scene a day, and usually get a few cancellations.

SIMONINI: How long does a scene typically take to film?

DEEN: It depends. There are a lot of different types of porn, or er, adult film - trying to be tactful here - but sometimes it's 45 minutes and sometimes it's a 23 hour day.

SIMONINI: Do you have any limitations in your work?

DEEN: I'm not attracted to dudes, so I don't work with dudes. Or clowns. They make me uncomfortable. I just don't see the reason. I didn't get into adult films to force myself to do things. I got into porn to have fun. If you're not going to enjoy it, why do it?

SIMONINI: In the past, you've said porn is easy.

DEEN: I don't consider it work, and straight acting is even easier than porn. In film, you spend six or seven hours shooting dialogue. It's the same in adults, but then, once you're done, you have to spend the rest of your energy to have the best sex you possibly can. So it's like acting with add level of difficulty. But it's still awesome.

SIMONINI: You were recently in the film Paul McCarthy made for James Franco's Rebel project at MOCA. What was that experience like?

DEEN: You know, I haven't really seen much of McCarthy's work - some sculptures online, but I haven't seen anything in person. It seemed like shock art to me. There was a scene where the actress playing Natalie Wood (Heather Vaughn) was in this mask and Paul McCarthy was playing the director and she was lying in the bathtub and he was naked above her squatting in the bathtub, pushing stuff all over her to make it look like he was defecating on her chest. It was like, they were shooting a scene of a director shooting a porno scene with Natalie Wood, I think. 

SIMONINI: Did you understand the context of any of this?

DEEN: It was all very vague. They treated me as if I was part of the art. They told me very little. They just threw me into the pool and told me to swim, so to speak. They interviewed me three times, asking me what I thought of the project, what I thought James Franco would think of the project and what I thought James Dean would have thought of the project. I was playing three roles. Just layers upon layers upon layers of meaning. But I haven't been able to see it yet. 

SIMONINI: Are you a James Dean fan?

DEEN: Not really. Never seen any of his movies. Not one. Never. [pauses]  Wait, hold on I need to order some food real fast. [Talking to the drive-in cashier]. Could I get a double bacon cheeseburger meal and a large Dr. Pepper. I'd also like a Chicken sandwich with no mayo or tomato. Thank you.

SIMONINIL Where are you eating?

DEEN: I'm eating at Carl's Jr. It's on the way home. I just realized I hadn't eaten anything all day.

SIMONINI: Do you watch much porn these days?

DEEN: [Eating french fries] I do, but I stick to amateur stuff so I don't recognize people. It's a little difficult to stay aroused when it's like, I know that guy. I had lunch with him the other day. Because I direct and produce, I sometimes get distracted by the lighting or camerawork or an angle. I'll think, that's a great shot. I'm going to use that.

SIMONINI: How has the porn industry changed since you entered it?

DEENL It's become more corporate. When I started, the career span was shorter. Girls were doing it to put themselves through college. Now, it's like, I want to be a career porn star.  There are a lot of people like me: girls in their 20s who have gone to college and want to be in porn. This is what I want to do.

SIMONINI: Most people view pornography as a tool for getting off. Do you view it that way, or do you think it has other potential?

DEEN: No. That's its purpose. If you want to use it in a different way, that's fine. My goal is to create something that will arouse someone, with their partner, with a group, by themselves. That's what I want. I'm not trying to make Gone with the Wind.

SIMONINI: While filming The Canyons have you experienced any of the Lindsay Lohan paparazzi mania?

DEEN: They've been pretty respectful on set. I've also dealt with them where they haven't been respectful. One night, I was trying to pull out of a parking spot and they were standing in the way of the car to get their shot. So I had to nudge them with the car to get them to move.

SIMONINI: This is with Lindsay?

DEEN: Yeah. I mean, paparazzi can't get a picture of me doing anything interesting. I'm untouchable. Here's James Deen peeing in public, making out with a girl in a bar, drunk and puking. Yeah, I'm a porn star. What do you expect? I can't think of a single scenario that they could catch me in that would be interesting. 

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the walking dead season 3 liveblog! episode 4: killer within.

please forgive me this brief preamble!  or, you know, don't.  all good.
so, your friendly (ha!) ...pretty much a movie! bloggers had the impossibly good fortune to see the following song performed live on october 25:

...the killer in me is the killer in you...

and now, less than two weeks later, our favourite sunday-night zombie apocalypse drinking fest is airing an episode titled "killer within."

(link)

what will happen this week?
will michonne get her sword back?
will the woodbury folks meet the prison folks?
(will the writers stop ignoring the comics?)
will rick and lori kiss and make up?
(see above parenthetical point?)

(she's got a great point, no?)

follow us over the jump to learn all that and more!

8:30 - so as per usual, you're early, and we're drinking, eating and watching bob's burgers. feel free to say hi, tho - what were your hallowe'en costumes? we were jack and zero from the nightmare before christmas, and not in fact a skeleton and his ghost elephant, but hey.

 

 (y'know, from this movie?)

 8:45 - seriously though, hallowe'en is good fun, and one of the few holidays that provides exercise to burn off all that booze you drink. or at least, that we drink? as per usual, make sure you're stocked up for fun. then tomorrow, y'know, go for a run or something? i don't know. apparently sitting kills you, or whatever, right?  kind of like being alive?

(the fun, happy-go-lucking nature of zombieland is certainly lacking in this series.)

8:50 - just a reminder, we're drinking james ready beer, and david's teas tonight. cheers!

9:00 -  so, previously on the walking dead, the governor is a sick freak. rick and lori are a little troubled, and rick is crazy.

9:01 - it's morning. owls who, and somebody picks up a gas can and a half eaten deer. there are apparently plenty of deer around still.

morning time at the prison and it's pretty. and foggy.

somebody tosses rocks at a few walkers, and it turns out that the deer was some bait for them. half of it near the door, more strung up inside.

someone runs out behind them with an axe and weapons. he cuts the chain on the front fence and swings open the door, leaving a heart on the ground whose was it?. oooh, a black dude! who's he? maybe it's andrew, or tyrese?  unless he was the guard in woodbury. any way, somebody's stealing some shit from the gang and opening up their front fence and leading walkers to it. maybe it's... a trap?

anyway, here we go with credits, and then commercials.

9:05 - and we're back. rick, and daryl are moving some cars around, making some blockades
getting ready to burn bodies. glen and maggie are up in the guard tower though.

"up in the guard tower? they were up there last night!"

daryl calls them out, and here comes glen with no clothes. yay, humour.

9:06 - ooh, a wild t-dog appears, and he's noticed things. the inmates are coming to have a convo. that guy from earlier was wearing inmate shit.  (psst!  i think it's andrew!  do you?)

any way, they can't live in there another minute.

"you follow me? all the bodies? blood, brains everywhere. there's ghosts."

9:07 - the inmates are trying to clean the bodies out, but every time they do, walkers come. basically these guys beg rick to live with them.

"our deal is non-negotiable. you either live in your cell block or leave."

one of the inmates is angry (oscar?).

"i told you this was a waste of time. these guys are like the pricks that shot up our boys."
 
oooh, then they mention andrew and tomas.

"we've all made our mistakes to get in here, but some of those guys were good dudes. protecting us from guys like andrew, and tomas."

i guess that guy was andrew, dude dropping hearts and stuff (as do i!  that is, i assume he was andrew.  not that i traipse abut dropping hearts).

these guys say they've paid their dues, and would rather hit the road then stay locked up.

rick checks with daryl, and daryl says no.

9:08 - rick to t-dog
"you want to go back to sleeping with one eye open?"

t-dog to rick

"i never stopped."

 

(link)

this is probably the best t-dog moment OF THE ENTIRE SERIES.  rick actually seems taken aback by the statement, but i suspect he will be distracted (perhaps willfully) from taking it to heart.

9:09 - anyway, the group discusses the worth of convicts' lives.

glen says they can't even kill walkers.

maggie says they're convicts and nothing more. ouch, maggie.

daryl says he grew up with guys like this and could have been in there with those guys as easily as those guys. that said, they can take their chances on the road.

t-dog (who's getting tons of lines - i mean, for t-dog) says the group members probably have more blood on their hands than the inmates do.

rick tells some hard luck cop story with seemingly no point (seriously, it's like "the justice system fails, so convicts should all be left to die")...

9:10 - ... and we're back at woodbury.

michonne stalks around.

these natural light shots aren't bad.

any way, michonne is checking out some of the gear woodbury has obtained from their most recent trip out. truck mounted machine guns with no bullets and fresh blood? suspicious, no?

"pretty amazing," the governor says as she jumps down (having gotten the jump on her).

 "we find more ammo, we could cut down a whole pack of biters," he says, going on to say he knows her and andrea are leaving.

"you seem like you're holding your own," she tells them. "even the national guard was run off."

now michonne is questioning the governor and his story, and evading his attempts to flatter her into what he suggests will be fighting alongside their community (though we have our suspicions)

he claims the men were heroes and tows his line.

michonne is wise, seeing the bullet holes...

"you think biters figured out how to use weapons?"

governor keeps going on lying.

these two have it pretty terse, conversation-wise.

"it's too bad what happened to welles," michonne says.  "no funeral?"

governor says they couldn't do anything, and he was cremated.

"thank god, at least no one knew him," the governor says.

michonne gets up in his face "thank god."

9:13 - back at the jail, they're getting ready to let the prisoners out.
t-dog is questioning rick, and rick pushes more of his us vs them, bullshit.  but the foley is pretty good here.

 

(link)

daryl gets on his nazi bike (it has an ss decal) and the mustache inmate starts offering motorcycle tuneups and the like. the men drive off.

9:14 - back inside the beth and carl ship is still sailing.

here comes the vomitous ship, heading your way!

(link)

everyone goes in to visit hershel.

he's tired of looking at the bottom of a bunk, and pushing himself out of bed.

the actor has lost some weight.

"you know, i think i'm pretty steady," hershel says.

lori offers rest, but he wants to go on a stroll.

9:15 - back at woodbury, michonne and andrea discussing heading to the coast - find some water, maybe a boat, then an island.

"what if the coast is safe," andrea asks.  "

"rather take my chances out there than stay here," michonne says.

andrea says michonne feels something off in her gut about the governor. michonne tells her it's gotten them that far.

9:16 - glenn hands some food over to the inmates, and then they're sequestered in their little holding spot.

then the men go back to discussing clearing out the bodies.

"i don't want to be planting crops in walker rotting soil," rick says.  seems like one of his better brainstorms.

9:17 - hershel makes it outside, and notices the groups progress. glen shouts some cheers to him (look how much their relationship has progressed!), which of course riles up some walkers outside.

9:18 - the whole group's morale is up, seeing hershel out and about. rick and lori look happy, everyone looks at one another and smiles.

but then of course, five feet away from carl are some walkers... apparently somebody let them in. everybody starts firing, but there are quite a few.  again!  again with this fucking show, it's like walkers sneaking up on you in fucking saskatchewan!

 

(link)

rick and daryl run to catch up with the group. hershel and beth are chased by a walker, but hershel fights it off with his crutches.

9:19 - t-dog notices the gate is open.

the group continues slowly making their way to safety, with lori, maggie and carl making it inside.


9:20 - more fences are closed up, but then t-dog is bitten, and carol trapped outside with him.

t-dog!  nooooooo!

you were finally getting your chance to shine!

and then they killed you off like 20% of the way through the episode!!  why?!?!!

(link)

he blasts a walker and runs off. as we head to commercial.

shit. you can't amputate a shoulder.

9:24 - we come back, and apparently andrea's showing merle where they were staying before. this leads to gross conversations about merle being an asshole and andrea being a cast off. anyway, she ends up circling the location of the barn on a map for him. apparently it's off route 9? it's bad news, really.
goddammit, andrea!  giving merle a map with the farmhouse circled?  really?  she is...very trusting.  and now merle is...inappropriately sexual?

"how come we never hooked up?"
"you called me a whore.  and a rug-muncher."
"got a way with word's don't i?" and after a moment's pause, "why are you doing this?"
"i'd want the same thing if it was my family out there."
"sure you don't want to come with me?  you ain't curious about the old gang?"

but andrea is still feeling bruised about being abandoned by the group.  and you know fair enough!  when did they even realize she was gone?  i feel like it was well after they had ricktocracy drama by the fire, but i could be wrong.

"ain't that a pig sack?  we got something in common, blondie.  we got left behind by the same people, and saved by 'nother."

merle says that the governor is a good man, when asked this directly by andrea.  this is...not what i would call a ringing endorsement.

9:26 - just when rick and the others think they may have the situation under control (but i want to know what happened to carol!  and we miss you already, t-dog!), sirens begin wailing and attracting all kinds of walkers.

9:27 - in the prison, everyone regroups with the situation almost under control, and we learn of the circumstances. t-dog's the only one bitten, but different people are held up in different sections. glenn's beheading walkers when the alarms start going off.

one of the inmates says it's probably the generators dying. he knows about this stuff because he worked inside for a little bit or something? any way, everyone is mistrustful of the inmates (now that t-dog is dead or dying), figuring they were responsible.
either way, loads of walkers are coming. they try shooting out the alarms, but fail and head inside to turn them off.

9:29 - t-dog and and carol are running through the halls and she tells him he should stop, and he's been bitten and goes on about the code, but this is god's plan or something?  i'm happy to see that carol and t-dog are in this, and she wants desperately to protect him.

then we cut over to carol, lori and maggie, who are running about and chased closely by walkers (surprise.) carl asked lori if she'd been bit, because she's running in a bit of a laboured (ha!) fashion.
oh great!! now it looks like lori's baby is coming!  let's hope it's just the wacky sitcom plot device of false labour.

 

an undigested bit of beef, a bit of underdone potato.

(link) 

anyway, carl leads the way down a hall way, and into a room with a sign we can't make out.

maggie rushes to lori, who's bent over against the wall in obvious distress...

then we go to commercial

9:33 - back at woodbury, the governor is golfing off one of their walls when merle approaches and comments on his swing.

they exchange sexist remarks about golf, women and traditions.
"...take only women and let them play.  it'll be historic."
(merle, smirking) "and break decades of tradition?"
"exactly."
"i don't know...some things are worth hanging on to."

...is that like a racist psycho's version of chekhov's gun?  'cause i'm betting yes.

merle wants to go on a scouting mission.

"blondie. she says my brother is still alive."

"eight months ago. you can track with the best of them, but..."

merle wants to go after daryl, and the governor seems hesitant.
he doesn't want people getting hurt (uh, which people?)

merle wants to go on his own, and it seems the governor won't let him.

"this whole place would fall apart without you."
"it's my brother."

"i know my brother.  if he's out there, i'll be able to find him."
creeeeeeepy.  poor daryl!  considering how much merle used to abuse him, that is.  or at least, how much we infer this was the case, based on the minor amount of backstory we got through that one decent-ish episode of last season.

the governor tells merle that if he gets more solid info he'll come with him himself.  he him him he he.

9:35 - we come back with a nice mix of alarm/gun shot sound, and rick is screaming for lori and carl. he's pretty pissed off.  we haven't seen rick panic like this over lori since maybe season one!  it's pretty intense, though slightly confusing.

"somebody is playing GAMES!"

back in the room with carl and lori, we find out the baby is coming now.  oh man, is this when lori dies? 

carl's freaking.  oh man, poor carl.  but really, POOR LORI!  JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
how frightening, and also how awkward!

this umm... is totally in the comics?

(it's not.)

"you're going to need to help your brother or sister, are you up for it," maggie asks carl.

so now there's like, an intense scene where lori is birthing? standing up, cause she couldn't sit?
great.

carl is totally peeking though.

9:37 - maggie tells lori to stop pushing, and there's a reveal that she's bleeding badly.
"lori, stop, don't push!  something's wrong!"
ay, did she rip her - what is that part called?  forchette? - or is this due to the zom-baby?  i can't even
i am
very unsettled by pregnancy-themed body horror
you guys
seriously

below, carol and t-dog are trapped. they've run out of bullets and some walkers have cornered them in a hallway. heroically, t-dog rushes them and pins them to a wall giving carol room to escape. as he's eaten alive, she looks back and he screams "go."

goodbye t-dog, you were pretty awesome when they remembered you were there.  which was...um...

(link)

drink, and pour one out.

commercials.

speaking of commercials, hey... kevin smith. you're pretty irrelevant these days.
how about you go, oh, i dunno - do something?

9:42 - shot opens on michonne's sword.
andrea and the governor discuss her leaving. andrea is silly and tells everyone anything they ask.

governor offers a drink.

"i haven't had hard liqour in a while. i'm sure my tolerance is close to nil."
"lucky you."

9:43 - yeah, so the governor deeefinitely just gave andrea a look like he is thinking about corralling her in the breeding farm he obviously has.    yeesh.  then he starts asking emotionally probing questions about her family, prompting her to toast "to better days," despite her previously avowed lack of tolerance for hard liquor.

dear television show:  please don't do it.  please do not go there.  you...you know what i mean. back to a synopsis:

the governor thanks andrea for giving merle the info about daryl, and then asks if she's found what she's looking for.

andrea explains she's lost everyone.

apparently the governor lost his wife 18 months before the thing happened. car accident. just him and his daughter now? well, that is in the comics.

so andrea takes a drink "to better days"

"truth is, i don't know what i'm looking for. truth is, for the longest time, it was all about survival."

they talk about how economics and social norms aren't the driving forces of day to day life. marriages, mortgages, etc.

andrea says everything's changed so much

"the scenery. the landscape. but the way we think..." the governor gets up in her face, and she decides it's time to leave.

"merle will see you out. he'll have your weapon. remember, it gets tough out there. you're welcome back at any time."

"thank you, governor."
"phillip," he responds.
"i thought you never told anyone your name."
"well, someone recently told me never to say never."

they have some creepy-cute never say never shit, and i can't be asked to reference beiber, so i move on.

except, of course, now you all may have that music in your brains, so...i'm an asshole?

9:46 - at the prison, they've shut down the alarms, but shit - there's an attacking crazy guy there. it's andrew! he's got an axe, and he and rick are going at it while daryl holds the door closed.
i mean, eventually he has to kill a few to make it work, but he does nicely.

rick loses his gun in the scuffle.  but no wonder andrew wants to kill you, bro.  good thing we had two expository lines about how he's a bad guy earlier, huh?  now no one will remember you tried to passively execute him by walker!  yippee!

the inmate gains rick's gun in the struggle, and in the show down, guns andrew down over rick's shoulder, swings rick's gun around and hands it back to him (all while daryl stalks him in the background)

9:48 - maggie puts lori down on the ground. she's super pale. wow.  she wants a c-section, because she wants her baby to live (she obviously can't, thanks to rick the hero).
she's hardly dialated and losing lots of blood.

"i know what this means," lori says "you gotta cut me open."

jesus!

lori wants maggie to give her an emergency c-section on the floor in a prison with no sterilization or anesthetic or  surgical tools. but hey, carl has a knife.  fuck, poor lori!  i mean, this is certainly her choice, except that she never really had a choice about whether or not to have this baby - but apparently we are skipping past that because lori dying in childbirth is like, a waaaay more character-building storyline for rick and mini-rick.  godDAMN.
and carol's not even there!!
we go to commercial with lori begging maggie to do it.  and to kill her afterwards.  maggie is resisting, maggie is refusing
but lori is begging her.  oh no.  how awful.
this was a very obvious outcome based on the previous episodes (and lack of respect for lori as a character, and not a plot device), and i kind of resent the writers for not giving us something more creative or surprising.  but it is still very emotional!  i can't deny that.

speaking of commercials, man - i play instruments. ipad minis are way to small to actually play complex things on... so don't buy it for that purpose - 'kay?

 save your money, and buy some bear mcreary music.

9:52

"i thought we had an agreement."

andrea doesn't want to leave.

michonne is upset, and walks away.

9:52 -

"you see my old c-section scar?" lori asks maggie

wooooow.  i mean, lori will die either way at this point.  but this is so terrible.  poor lori, carl, and maggie!  the goodbye between mother and son is pretty touching, and i am crying.  just a bit.  by which i mean a lot.

"you take care of your daddy for me. and you take care of your little brother or sister for me" lori insists to carl, her eyes bright with oncoming death.

holy shit. then she tells him he's going to beat this world, and that he can do it.
then she makes him promise to always do what's right?

"if it feels easy, don't do it. don't let the world screw you."

aww, they're crying, and the music is sappy, but they love each other, and it's, well. it's pretty fucking hard, man.

"maggie, when this is over you have to do it. it can't be rick!"

well, that's pretty serious.  but you know, i wouldn't want it to be rick either.  both because it would be too hard for him, and because...um...you know, fuck that guy.

maggie apologizes and then she cuts her.

9:54 - THAT WAS KIND OF GRAPHIC MAYBE?  I DON'T REALLY KNOW?

everyone screams, and then they're reaching in for the baby.

"carl, give me your hand," maggie says.

if she cuts too far, she'll cut the baby.
but she sees the uterus!  somehow?  perhaps this is less complex than i think it is.

 

(link) 

whelp, maggie's done it. it seems.
the baby is out, but it's super quiet.

oh, wow.
 there's like, a bigtime tease that the baby was dead.
the music was pretty awesome.

but then it turns out that the baby is alive.  and i'm kind of disappointed.  it would have been a much stronger message if the baby died too.

"we can't just leave her here," carl tells maggie. "she'll turn."  he insists on being the one to kill lori.  because she's his mom.
maggie leaves, and carl is left alone with lori to do what's right.
there's a pretty sweet flashback, but unfortunately it involves carl and rick instead of carl and lori.  but it is a nicely turned bit of exposition, and on theme with the sort of erasure lori was experiencing throughout the entirety of the show.
rest in peace, lori. you were a confusing, strangely written character, but you were our confusing, strangely written character.  we'll pour one out (into our mouths) for you as well.

...and hey, they stayed close to the timing of the comics at least.  sort of?

drink, and pour one out.

9:57 - as maggie approaches the door to leave, she holds back for walkers. a gunshot goes off, and carl comes out like a little child soldier.  which is a pretty horrific comparison.

in another hallway the group is slowly reconvening, the smaller groups coming together.

they find some walkers feasting on what was t-dog, and shoot them.

9:58 - daryl picks up carol's scarf.

outside hershel and beth are safe.

"what about t, and carol?"

"they didn't make it."

"that doesn't mean the others didn't," rick half yells.

everything is interrupted by the baby crying.

maggie and carl appear with the baby, and rick is pacing about, asking where lori is.  he obviously knows, and it's moderately wrenching.
maggie tries to hold him back.

"aww, no!" rick says, and begins crying.
carl does nothing.
maggie takes the baby to glenn and starts crying.
rick falls to the ground crying, completely broken (and eliminating any lingering opportunity to grieve for t-dog and carol - who may not be dead yet!).
carl walks away, crying silently and no longer able to rely on his father for strength.

silent credits roll.
nice.

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Samuel L. Jackson

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the walking dead season 3 liveblog! episode 3: walk with me!

8:30 - heya!

do you like the walking dead?
and hallowe'en?

and super scary gory fun?
will then hot diggity, do we have an hour of fun for you.
(eww, we said hot diggity. we're sorry.)

this week on the walking dead:
will rick slay more people for fun?
will everyone just kill for fun?
hey, michonne. what's up with her?
helicopters?
merle?

join us after the cut for all this and more, on episode 3: walk with me.

neil young is always appropriate.

8:35 - well, you're early. that shows enthusiasm! we like enthusiasm. unforunately, there are very few ways for us to reward that. but grab a seat and say hi, and maybe we can make some friends. 

(ed. note: the staff of prettymuchamovie liveblogs, reviews and party planning in no way seek to establish actual friendships.)

8:45 - anywho, as we sit around and wonder what everyone's favourite zombie thriller has in store for us, we're somewhat worried about the [fuck you, it's not a spoiler if you watched the end of last week's episode] return of merle will mean to the citizens of this crazy walking world.

i hope he's like... inspector gadget, and has appendages for different situations. maybe even like, a crack pipe, for his crazy crack-headed racist-ass rants. also, he makes that face a lot.

 8:50 - in the usual rundown we'll remind you that today's episode is brought to you by james ready beer, hakutsuru sake, and david's teas. yum yum, so little of this would still be around.

 or maybe there's still liquor.

9:00 - hey, do you remember last week? or hell, even the part where merle went missing?

andrea went missing too, but she met michonne.

we start with the sound of a helicopter fading in. it's whiskey 12. but it's a helicopter. that's pretty neat. the sound is quite nice.

these guys are obviously army, cause they're loaded up and wearing fatigues. they're encountering problems and going down.

"mayday, mayday, mayday," the pilot says.

everyone braces for impact as the chopper goes down smoking.

"we're going in hard!"

aaand then the chopper smacks up a tree.

 

(seriously, this shit is bad.)

9:02 -so andrea, michonne and the boys saw this.

andrea gives michonne a look, and in that direction they go, michonne dragging her walkers and others following along.

these two are a real team now. very communicative.

oh, hey. it's a commercial. aren't we lucky.

9:05 - and we're back. the ladies come upon the wreckage and andrea's still real sick, vomiting all over the place.

michonne chains her mules up to the tree and takes a closer look at the crash site.
we get a good look at her character here.

woooow.
one of the army fellows is cut properly in half, presumably by the blades.
he's on the outskits.

oh boy.
a few cars have pulled up!
michonne runs back to andrea as even more cars arrive.

gee. wonder who this is.

9:07 - armed men survey the scene.
their leader barks

"fan out."

there's a really nice music cue.

walkers are close, but the leader of this group urges his men to "save those rounds 'til you you need them."

here we meet another dude with a bow and arrow.

there's some slow and steady walker clean up as michonne and andrea hide.
andrea looks reeeeally sick.

9:09 - it appears andrea and michonne are safe, they're happened upon by a walker, but it passes by.

"over here, chomper!" one of the governor's crew remarks (yeah, it's him). they arrow it.

andrea wants them to show themselves, but michonne seems interested in hiding.

dude that was cut in half on the ground gets loud, and he's turned. the governor gets his first (to us) kill here, snapping a blade through his skull.

9:10 - these people are methodical and equipped.

michonne's walkers grunt and pull, and andrea coughs as the men check the chopper.

the sounds of michonne's walkers unforunantely draw them over, and she beheads them herself, likely knowing the fate they faced.

everything gets quiet, and the crew at this crash seemingly doesn't suspect them.

"let's roll out, " the governor says.

9:11 - "uh-uh-uh, easy does it girl. mine's a lot bigger than yours."

 

 (i see you've played knifey spoony before)

ohhhh, fuck. it's merle. and he recognizes andrea.
drink for merle, and knifey spooney

"oh oh oh, blondie. and you look good."

he kills a walker that comes upon him with a stump bayonette.

give him time, he'll get there.

(link)

"how's about a hug for your old buddy merle?"

9:13 - there's some interesting dialogue on the radio about infirmary space required for andrea and michonne as they drive through woods filled with hanged walkers. nice spooky music cues, and creepy shots.

"michonne?" andrea asks
"right here," michonne responds.

we go to commercial with merle making one of his quiet. shhh faces.

9:16 - well, now andrea is being treated by a nurse. her and michonne want to leave, but can't.
told so pretty cryptically. but hey, here's merle to prove that he's real and whatnot.

"i guess this old world gets a little smaller at the end, right?" he asks.

he explains he was near bled out and starving, near suicide when these folks found him. he mentions daryl, and asks about him.

andrea says she hasn't seen him for a long time.
but she tells him rick and daryl went back, and he was already gone.

then he laughs and says, "not all of me" and flashes his stump.

"yeah, rick. he's that prick that cuffed me to the rooftop," he says, fastening his bayo-fist back on.

there's conversations about who's tried, and who's dead. jim, dale, jackie, sofia, amy.

"your sister?" merle asks
"she was a good kid. i'm sorry to hear it."

this feels genuine.
andrea gets all nostalgic and  talks about the farm and daryl's leadership there.
how she got left behind after.

"i know what it feels like," she says.
"i doubt that," merle says.

michonne hasn't spoken yet.

andrea wants to know what they want, and merle wants a thanks.

"there she sits, four walls around her, roof over her head, medicine in her veins, and she wants to know what i want from her."

he calls michonne mutie before she says "you had a gun on us."

she's ferocious.  we love her.

merle asks who hasn't had a gun on them in the last year, says he'd be pissing his pants at the hypothetical guy that comes ambling up with his hands in his pockets.

"thank you," andrea says.

michonne is pissed.

the governor walks in, authoritatively shuts the door, and silences merle.

9:22 - the women want their weapons back.
the governor says they can have them back when they're done.

oh, shit. andrea and michonne don't know people turn regardless.
they have a lot to learn.

the governor is keeping their weapons to protect his people.

"it doesn't matter.  however we die, we all turn.  i put them out of their misery."

he explains this must be hard to take.

he explains they're guests, not prisoners, and they're free to leave later.
they simply don't open the doors after dusk.
he offers food, extra ammo, their weapons back, and extra food for the road (so to speak).

... all in the morning.

he leads them down a hallway and opens a door.
this is all very a boy and his dog

9:23 - "welcome to woodbury," the governor says.

he then tells them to come with him.

they walk through the streets of this city/town to a wall.

"are you military?" andrea asks

"hardly," he tells her " a couple of vets, but by and large we're self trained."

there's a lot of heavy artillery here.

the whole town is blocked up that way.

ooop, now they call them creepers here.

 

merle wants this one.

"governor? they call you that?" andrea asks.
 he explains some nicknames just stick.

freshen your drink, guv'na?

more walkers/creepers are dispersed, and we learn this 'burg has a population.

9:26 -  the governor welcomes them to a nice room, with water and clothes. but he still isn't giving back that sword.

andrea is asking about the pilot of the helicopter, but the governor is done. he has work to do.

"my man will be outside the door if you need anything else," he tells them, and leaves.

then we go to commercial.

9:30 - we're back and it's morning.

their guide is quite proud of their city. discussing their lack of casualties and amount of commodities.

andrea wants to know why dead ones are strung up like ornaments.

"...everybody copes in their own way... " the lady explains it away, or attempts to.

the guard from outside the door is trailing behind.

9:32 - the pilot is with the governor, and he's telling a horrible tale of infection spreading quickly through their base and ranks.

his group was small, but well equipped. they still didn't make it though.

"my guys?" the pilot asks.

the governor offers to go find the rest, bring them back and make them safe.

"they're out there. waiting for you, exposed. tell me where they are, and i promise you. i'll bring them back alive."

well, they sure do want you to think this governor fellow is a legit nice guy.

9:33 - and just on time he kicks his way into some laboratory/garage thing, where merle is being made fun of by scientists. or, a scientist.

governor wants info on "the girl"
clearly that can't be michonne, because, you know, racism.

he explains they're from the atlanta group that left him on a roof, and "forced him to mutiliate himself". merle wants him to talk to her again.
he wants to know about daryl.

9:35 - it turns out the scientist was dissecting/analyzing michonne's walkers/lurkers/creepers. apparently her mods are great. they don't want to eat if they have no jaws, because not eating decreases their appetite.  but their heads are still alive!  pretty unnerving.

the governor thinks they're camouflage.

"walk with biter, they think you're a biter."

it's interesting, how many questions, and how inquisitive these people are about the walkers and whatnot. and how smart michonne obviously is. that logic works very well with both the basic canon of the z-word, and even more specifically with that of this show in particular.

"they are starving.  they just do it slower than us."

9:36 - they discuss that letting merle go speak to the women alone could be a bad idea as the governor looks over a cardboard model of the town. huh. interesting.

9:37 - now we're eating at the governor's house. michonne, andrea, the governor and his scientist.  i love andrea and her consistent challenging of sexism!
they discuss walkers and how they'd like to be offed while plating food.
michonne sees her sword.

"no one believes there might be a trace of the person they were, trapped inside" they governor says.

the scientist won't use gendered pronouns, and only refers to walkers as it.

then he asks about michonne's friends.

"you did know them, didn't you?"

"let them eat," the governer commands.

9:38 - andrea asks if this place can hold up against a herd.  does she not realize the internet has been calling it a "horde?"  jeez louise, andrea!

"what's your secret?"

"really big walls."

she points out the soldiers had walls.

"the real secret is what goes on within these walls. getting back to what we were. who we were."

apparently they have schools, and jobs, etc.  structure.

 

(link)

"with a lot of guns and ammunition."

obviously the governor has appointed himself head of this whole deal.

"looks like you're sitting pretty at the end of the world," andrea says.
"do i strike you as the kind of man that sits pretty?" he asks.

he says people are the earth's seed, blah blah blah, and it's time to harvest, and they will rise again, and blah blah blah they won't eat each other.  christian dominionist thinking is reeeeeeally scary.

nobody acknowledges michonne.

9:41 - governor is excused, a man appears to discuss something.

the scientist asks how andrea's tea is.  clearly there is something going on with this beverage.

"we want our weapons back," michonne replies/demands, like a boss.

 

(link)

the governor reiterates they can have their weapons back when they leave.

"but you should relax... take a look around, who knows... you might like what you see."

and at that we're being told about hyundai, and presidents, and ewww

hey, as a point. the walking dead social media facebook game is dumb. like all facebook games.

9:46 - michonne and andrea are walking.

"i don't trust him," michonne says.
"why not? have you ever trusted anybody?"
"...yeah!"
"then give him a day or two, some time to get our shit together."
"my shit never stopped being together."

hahaha i love them
i need a romantic buddy comedy starring these two in the seven or eight months we didn't get to see.

 but less racist than this!  i mean, it is 2012.

okay, andrea wants to know a bunch more about michonne. because they've been together for 7 months and blah blah.
wait, no blah blah!  tonight's bloggers disagree, because i am all over this shit.

"we were with those walkers all winter and you just took them out."
"it was easier than you think," michonne retorts. because she is awesome.

she walks off, and that guy follows them in the distance.

9:48 - an army base appears... it's approached by the governor, waving a white flag from the driver's window of his car.

"we found your guy! wells.  lt. wells?  his chopper went down."

he says he's hurt, and the other guys didn't make it.

the men are happy.

"they got wells, they found him."

"sure did," the governor says. "and we found you too!"

then he shoots the front officer,  starting off a brutal ambush wherein this entire group of men is murdered. the last one living (whom the governor shot first) is beaten to death with his own weapon after the governor cuts it off of him, terrifying spit dripping from his chin.

"never waste a bullet, son," the governor informs a young underling, as they begin taking weapons from the dead (at the governor's command).
the subtle music cues underneath are awesomely tense.

a straggling soldier runs off in the distance... the governor takes aim and shoots him, then hands a knife to the man he spoke to earlier and says "go put a merciful end to that young man's days."

he turns and addresses the rest of his ambush team, who've emerged from the surrounding woods.

"let's see what uncle sam brought us."

commercial time.

this split up between groups for episodes is pretty awesome.
so are these trailers for life of pi. we should probably review one, no?

9:54 - back at woodbury, the gang returns from their raid. merle's stump is lacking blade at the moment.

the whole town gathers around, excitement in the air.

"we brought in three new people yesterday,"

the governor begins.

"i promised i'd bring them back here alive. but they didn't have our walls, or our fences. biters got there before we did. now, the men had trucks, and the trucks had weapons, food, medicines, things we need..."

ha! he tells the people to honour the men's sacrifices, and that dark is coming, so go to bed.  be thankful for what you have (ie, the governor himself).
andrea is eating this shit up.  first shane and now the governor?  andrea!  you are terrible at detecting egomaniacal bullshit!
...also, i can't keep letting this go.  when did andrea take the time to stylishly slash the back of her shirt like that?  it is ridiculous, and also cool-looking - and so distracting on two fronts.

she and the governor have a bullshit conversation (see?!), and she asks for his real name.

"i never tell," he says.
"never say never," she responds.

he stops smiling and takes three, menacing steps toward her.  "never."

9:59 - later reveal to his house.

brown-haired tour guide from earlier is naked in his bed.

he was once married to someone else though, and had a daughter? there's a picture of a family with him?

he pours himself and goes to sit in a room with fishtanks full of walker/biter/lurker/creeper/people heads. michonne's friends where there, as was the pilot it would seem. this reveal was very slow, and very, very creepy.  and some of them are alive maybe?  wow!!

that's it for this week's episode.
this tension in the andrea/michonne dynamic is interesting, given how new and relatively fresh it is to the show. they've established the governor and woodbury to be a very frightening place with relative ease, and merle himself is pretty darned scary... but compared in no way to the governor. throw in a helicopter crash and some fun kills, and this continues the run of awesome episodes. next week looks great though. will the two groups finally meet up? i miss daryl... and umm, well, maybe none of the other characters, which is a little off-putting.

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the walking dead season 3 liveblog! episode 2: sick!

8:40 - welcome back!
we're here for episode 2 of season 3, and it promises to be an exciting one!

will the group strengthen their hold on the prison?
will hershel's leg lead to infection, or worse?
will lori's baby be a walker?
will andrea's medication help?

join us beyond the cut for the answers to these (yeah, right) and loads more important questions!


8:40 - you're a little bit early!  excited, no doubt, to learn all of the wisdom that this episode is sure to impart! well, grab a drink and sit tight, excitement is around the corner.

8:50 - just a reminder that tonight's festivities are brought to use by james ready beer, strongbow cider, fruli strawberry flavoured beer, and grand river brewing high baller pumpkin ale. oooh, and david's teas. we love liquid during liveblogs.  and allllliteration!

9:00 - we get the typical rundown of last week. it was gruesome. check out our recap.

we pick up exactly where we left off, with daryl eyeballing some survivors

"who the hell are you?"

hershel might be bleeding out, and we have a mexican standoff (or something less nationality-specific, i guess). guns vs crossbows, and some walkers are pushing the doors.

t-dog and glenn seal the room up, and the team is wheeling hershel out of the morgue.

9:02 - t-dog lets some walkers in, and the group takes off, leaving the survivors (stunned and confused) and hershel's leg behind.

boom! credits, then commericals.

9:05 - back in, the group wheels hershel through dark hallways and daryl picks off walkers. the inhabitants of the prison hesitantly follow along.

the group sees them following along, but makes little of it.

9:06 - they make it back the the cell block they're hiding out in, and it's time for first aid to help hershel. they're trying to stop him from bleeding out. the show has greeeeeat makeup and prosthetics.

9:07 - meanwhile daryl takes aim, looking for walkers and survivors.
the survivors find their way in.

"cell four, that's mine, gringo."

9:08 - daryl tells them they've gotten a pardon, and that they can leave. the inmates are pretty hesitant to leave, but t-dog and daryl are pretty pleased to point guns at them and yell.

(link)

9:08 - it's okay though - here comes rick to make the peace. he tells glenn to stay behind with hershel and take care of maggie.

9:08 - rick runs out and carl locks the door behind, rick tells them to lower their weapons.

"how many of you are in there?" an inmate asks.
"too many of you to handle," rick tells them.

apparently they've been locked in the cafeteria for 10 months, "hearing about guys going cannibal, then coming back." they have no idea what happened, what's gone down.

a guard locked them in with a weapon for protection, but he never came back.

9:09 - rick breaks the bad news to the inmates "there's no army, no government, no hospitals, no police... it's all gone."

9:10 - the inmates ask for a cell phone to call their families.

"you don't get it, do you? no phones, no computers. as far as we can see it, half the population's been wiped out, maybe more," rick tells them.

9:11 - rick leads the inmates out to the yard to see the sun... and the gruesome stacks of bodies.

9:11 - "so what is this, a disease?"

"yeah, and we're all infected."

9:12 - daryl explains the whole dying and reanimation thing to them, rather simply

9:12 - now there's talk of plans, and destinations. the inmates want them to leave, but rick says it ain't happening.

"ain't no way this robin hood guy took out all these freaks," one of the inmates says.
things are getting tense.

you feel bad for these guys, locked up in a prison, learning the world is over.

the inmates claim the prison is theirs.

rick says it's not. the group has spilled blood and set the prisoners free.

things get tense and weapons are drawn again.

the inmates want their cell block back (fun game!  drink every time we say "cell block").

"you can leave, there are other cell blocks."

daryl offers them the road to try their luck on, if they're so inclined.

"you can leave, try your luck on the road."

9:13 - the inmates decide they'll take over their own cell block, and rick will help clear out a cell block in exchange for half their food.

"you pay, we'll play. we'll clear out a block for you and you keep to it.  let's be clear, if i see you out here, near any of our people, if i so much as catch a whiff of your scent, i will kill you," rick tells the inmate leader (whose name i have determined is tomas).

and with that, more commercials.

9:16 - back in the cell, the women are working on hershel, and discussing his various medical needs.

this apparently leads to carol and lori discussing the delivering of the baby.
lori says they'll get through this, and carol seems apprehensive.  have i mentioned that carol's really growing on me this season?

9:17 - the inmates give the group a tour of the kitchen, showing them how well it's fortified.
it seems there is indeed a bunch of food.  nothing fancy, but they can make due.  and it certainly beats owl and dog food - not that i've sampled either of those before.

9:18 - daryl is angry about how the amount food was misrepresented.  but i suppose the group has been surviving on very little, and thus they have an understanding of how far such an amount could stretch.
rick opens a door. it turns out to be what the prisoners were using as a bathroom. pretty gross.

9:19 - glenn and maggie reunite, and have a cute moment. she wonders what they'll do without hershel, but glenn says there's no need to consider that.  they're both very attractive, and not letting the apocalypse and lack of showers interfere with this.  does glenn ever need to shave?  not to mention maggie's armpits - she sure does wear a lot of tank tops.

um, i didn't see that movie.  what colour were the tank tops?

(link)

"if he does wake up, then what? he can't even walk. all we do is run," maggie says. she's concerned how hershel will make it through the future.

glenn tells maggie to check on beth and takes a turn watching hershel.

9:20 - beth finds maggie, and she's tailoring all of hershel's pants to have one leg. the sisters have a tense talk about whether or not hershel's going to make it. beth is feeling positive, 'cause they have carol.  and possibly because sweetness and positivity are her only defining character traits.

9:21 - t-dog, daryl and rick return with food from the cafeteria.
lori fills them in that hershel's vitals are poor.

rick gives glenn handcuffs, just in case hershel becomes a walker.  yikes.

9:22 - rick fills lori in about his peace agreement. she asks if the other men have guns.

"what are your other options?"
"kill them."
"well, if that's your only option."

lori's getting pretty hard too. she knows rick isn't a killer (but is that really true anymore?), and can't ask him to become one. but she knows he'll do whatever he needs to do to keep the group safe too, and tells him to do so without fear of judgement.

lori calls all the shots, a lot like lucille bluth.

9:23 - the inmates and the group prepare to clean out a cell block - the inmates want to know why they can't use guns. daryl explains the noise factor and the headshot rule.

"ain't got to tell us how to take out a man," the inmate leader says.
"they ain't men," t-dog tells them.  yay, dialogue for t-dog!  double-yay, a rhyme!

9:24 - meanwhile, glenn handcuffs hershel to the bedframe. carol and maggie don't like this.  perhaps it's getting a bit too oedipal.

(link)

9:25 - maggie asks for some alone time with hershel.... he's clearly not faring so well, and still not conscious.

maggie has a cute little scene here where she tells him he doesn't have to fight anymore, or worry about her and beth.  she tells him he can let go, and i marvel at how i consistently forget that this actress is not even american.  her accent is even more impressive than her nose (and that is one adorable nose)!

it seems pretty likely hershel dies here, and of course that takes us to a commercial.

9:30 - back from commercial, and the inmates/group are heading into the cell block.
it's dark. daryl leads the way.

(why are all these men [and walkers] so clean shaven)

the inmates ignore daryl's lead, charge in and don't aim for heads. t-dog, daryl and rick watch as they hack and maim up walkers... presumably to success?  lots of chest-shots.

9:31 - everyone's hanging out in hershel's cell. carl comes back, and instead of having organized food, he's gone and gotten medical supplies for hershel. he killed 2 walkers and everything!

lori is pissed that he went off alone.
carl tells lori "get off my back!"
beth tells him not to talk to his mom that way (which hilariously undercuts the notion of "white-girling" one's parents)

sometimes, i wish i could "white girl" my mom.

(link)

the score this season is very sparse, and while i suppose it suits the show's narrative intentions, we want more bear mcreary!

we want chilly willy!

(link)

9:33 - back at the cell block, rick and the gang teach the inmates how to take out walkers.
"stay tight and go for the head. no more of that prison riot crap."

as they're learning, big tiny (the big inmate) creeps away on his own, but some walkers corner him. one breaks out of its cuffs (losing a hand in the process, and clawing big tiny with the exposed bone.  wow!). rick goes in the break up the walkers attacking tiny, but the lead inmate (tomas) blasts the walkers away.

is everyone okay?

9:34 - who knows? 'cause we're back with hershel.

carol needs glenn's help with something, but he won't leave hershel.

9:35 - big tiny is scratched/clawed/gored/scored, so it seems he's fucked. yuck!

"look at me, i'm fine! i'm not changing or anything," big tiny says.

before big tiny has a chance to turn, or run, or anything, tomas pretty much crushes his head. it's gross.

it seeeeeeeeems rick and co. may be in over their heads.

oh, a commercial?

9:41 - out in the yard, carol and glenn are walking the fence. as are many walkers.
carol points one out, and it seems to be the only former female.

"that one," she says.

she wants to use a walker for practice?
not sure what type.

she's apparently practicing c-sections, so she knows what she's doing to get lori's baby out.  apparently lori has never delivered vaginally, so carol thinks this is the best choice when delivering the potential zombaby.  i am skeptical that adding an invasive surgery to the mix won't just kill them both, but whatevs!
anyway, carol needs glenn to stand watch as she kills and dissects her practice-walker.

gross.

9:42 - back in the cell block, the group/inmates trundle along, with tomas being all crazy-looking and bloody.

rick and daryl discuss how dangerous he is.

"if he makes one move," rick says.
"just give me the signal," says daryl.
aww - rick's his (daryl's) new merle!  and daryl's his (rick's) new shane!  but with less abuse and betrayal on both sides.

in the prison laundry room they seem to have hit a midpoint between cell blocks.

rick tosses tomas the keys to open the door.

"i ain't openin' that," tomas replies.

rick makes him anyway.  is anyone else feeling really creeped out by the whole "white cop/inmates of colour" power dynamic here?

"one door," rick tells him.

(because jim morrison was one door right)

walkers groan behind the door.

9:43 - tomas pulls the doors open (both of 'em!) and all hell breaks loose. this inmate guy is a problem.
the gang hacks and arrows and now tomas is throwing walkers at rick and causing yet more problems.

"i told you one door!"
"shit happens."

the walkers are done (thanks, daryl!), but now there's an awkward showdown between leaders (that is, between rick and tomas).

"yeah, i get it. shit happens," rick says.

then he cuts tomas' head in half.
that'll learn him.
but rick's not a killer, or anything.

one of the remaining inmates takes off, and rick chases him. daryl and t-dog hold the other two.

the one inmate (andrew, maybe?) makes it out the the yard, and tries to come back, but rick locks him out, and closing the door as we hear him getting ripped apart.  but you know, still not a killer.

9:46 - turns out that hershel is still holding on? he's still breathing and maggie's there.

oh, maybe now he stopped?

beth and carl stand watch.

9:47 - okay, beth is freaking out. maybe now hershel is gone.

lori jumps in to do cpr (which seems like kind of a terrible idea?), and carl stands watch.
there's a super scary scene in which hershel grabs lori as she performs resucitation, seemingly having turned!  but it was a false alarm.

we cut to commercial with a shot carl standing in the cell doorway, gun drawn on hershel.

(wait, there's a contest where AMC is giving away a car from the show? cause there are somehow new cars in the zombie apocalypse? yay, corporate tie-ins and placement deals, there's no end to 'em!)

9:52 - wow, rick is back with t-dog and daryl. he's threatening the remaining two inmates. they're pleading for their lives. they were friends with big tiny.

wow, rick is fucked. zombies really make you weird.

one guy's tearing up (damn, what are their names?), so rick turns the gun on the other and says

"what about you?"

"i ain't never pleaded for my life," the guy says "and i ain't starting now, so you do what you gotta do."

9:53 - inside the cell block, all the inmates have been executed while lying down with their hands tied, using single bullets. it's pretty chilling.  rick decides to lock in the remaining two survivors.

"this is sick," they tell rick and daryl.
"this isn't sick. you ain't seen what's outside," daryl tells them.

"a word of advice," t-dog says. "take those bodies outside and burn 'em."

and thus the settlement of two inmates came to be.

(psst!  did you guys catch the episode title just now?  that's another drink!)

9:54 - rick, daryl and t-dog return to the cell block, and carol fills them in.

9:55 - "still no fever," lori tells rick.

they all file into the cell, and watch over hershel who is making noises, labouredly and moving his mouth. now he's opened his eyes.

"daddy?" maggie asks, followed by beth.

rick unlocks him.

he seems to have his facilities and mental capabilities relatively intact.

he holds his hand out to rick, not his daughters'. odd.

9:56 - everyone cries a bit. not carl though.  he just smiles. he's haaaaaaard.

9:57 - rick leads the girls in to huddle around hershel.

9:58 - outside, carol is beginning her attempts at surgery, on a walker cadaver.

walker pantyshots ensue, and then additional grossness.  i think i would have much rather had that shot be of carol's face as she lift's the walker's dress, as opposed to focusing on the walker's dead body.

but wait!  speaking of camera directions, somebody is watching carol from the bushes, and the outside of the prison!  oh no!  what if they think carol's a walker and kill her?  wait, that's not too likely.

anyway, the watcher moves around, and we don't see them.

9:58 - rick and lori hang out in a guard's perch.

"we'll start cleaning tomorrow," rick says.
"yeah, we'll give carl a safe place to... do whatever he does these days," lori says.

now rick discusses how lori isn't a bad mother, in contrast to what she said earlier.  however, he doesn't speak to her performance as a wife, which she comments on with a rueful laugh.
they allude to divorces, but there are no lawyers or assets in the zombie-apocalypse. weird.

now there's a circlejerk over the fact that hershel is still alive.

"i thought maybe you were coming out here to talk about us," lori says. "maybe there's nothing to talk about anymore."

crows caw, and then rick puts his hand on lori's shoulder.
"we're awful grateful for what you did," rick tells her.

lori puts her head on said shoulder after rick takes his hand back and walks away, and we pan out.  finally, more reasonable characterization of lori!  i'd pretty much given up on her character after last season.  guess that means she won't make it through the rest of this one!

9:59 - now we see clips of next week! shit! the governor is coming! shit!

so this was a pretty good follow-up to last week. they kept the pace close and progressed a couple of stories. some new characters were introduced, and hey! they were people. not bad. all in all, we approve.

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the walking dead season 3 liveblog! episode one: seed.

8:45 - willkommen!  bienvenue!  welcome!

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haha, psych!  we're not reviewing dexter - this liveblog is for the season premiere of the walking dead!

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we're here starting our first full season of liveblogging the walking dead. be excited - we kicked things off doing the season finale last year, and we're very excited about the developments of this season. stay tuned with us as we learn all about what directions the characters head in this year! will the writers follow the comics? will (rick make) lori keep the baby? will anyone miss shane? will carl stay in the damn house?

why won't this boy stay in the house?

8:55 - turn off your phone! dim the lights! get the umm, whatever you drink or eat! tonite's episode is brought to you by Muskoka Mad Tom India Pale Ale, Maudite and various David's Teas. Yes. Beer and Tea. We're like that. and we're excited! Hit the jump to watch the episode with us!



9:00 - Remember last season? Wasn't it awesome? Everyone's infected! Lori's pregnant! Shane's dead! Uh Oh! Walkers!

9:01 - awesome opening shot on a walker's eye. the group busts in, t-dog and daryl, then carl and rick. walkers are dead and they search the house. it's tense, and nerve-wracking! rick and daryl almost have a showdown, and carl runs into an old walker that he wastes, no questions asked. he's haaard now.


9:02 - t-dog goes upstairs alone, cause that's always the best idea! daryl follows him and finds an owl. sadly, it seems to be dinner.

9:03 - ascertaining the house is safe and clear, the group moves in. it's obviously a decent amount of time later. carl has a gun and hershel is oooold.

9:04 - carl gathers dog food, everyone settles in. huzzah. hershel is sad. everyone is quiet. the scene is rather heavy as people prepare to eat owl and dog food.

9:05 - out the window there is a tonne of walkers. the entire group empties out, weapons in hand. including t-dog's spear? maggie gets an axe. everyone hops in their cars as some bear mcreary tunes drop and the show kicks up, walkers in tow!

9:09 - the group is plotting their route. carl is hard. rick wants to go west. hershel hassles him, 'cause it seems lori is going to give birth any day now.

9:10 - rick and daryl walking along happen upon the prison. drink. rick's police instincts are so happy. so am i, watching inmate walkers.

lori really is pregnant.

they rip through some fence, and they're between fences and walkers. it's rough, and a little daunting.

9:11 - rick is super happy. he thinks they can wipe out these few walkers and make this prison his own. he sends daryl, hershel, carol and carl to towers to snipe them as glen, t-dog, maggie and beth fight them through the fences. rick and lori run through the yard.

9:12 - lots of gore here, and walkers killed in various fashions. notable mention to carl's cool, accurate shooting, and rick's badass walker-running. good ol' poppa cop.

very night of the living dead '90s remake, with lori just pushing them off.

9:14 - the group is having very little problem disposing of these walkers. everyone seems to have improved a great deal at shooting, and there's tons of ammo to go around. even lori can shoot! she's more than just a mother. rick's gun is great.

9:15 - they survey their kills, and everyone is happy. these people get super content with killing. especially glen, taking out the fucker on the ground. any way, everyone is suuuper happy to have a home now. commercials, yay.

9:18 - it's nighttime now, and the group is camping out in the yard out front of the prison.
"mmm, just like mom used to make," says glen at the camp fire.

t-dog is more interested in moving bodies away from water.
hershel is more interested in planting some tomatoes.
rick is more interested in patrolling the fence to make sure no walkers can get in.

"this'll be a good place to have the baby. safe." beth says.

it seem's they're willing to hold out in the yard?

9:20 - daryl and carol discuss rick and his leadership vis-a-vis his killing of shane before daryl gives her shoulder a massage. interesting i guess.

"that's pretty romatic. wanna screw around?" carol asks daryl.

i think he shoots her down.
that's umm, kinda wimpy of the writing.  i for one (we for two?) would like to see that happen.

9:22 - now it's family sing-a-long time around the fire, and carol and daryl return. boourns.

of course maggie joins in, singing nicely.

rick returns to the fire and a super grown-up carl. this kid's a good actor, i guess.

9:23 - this song's religious, isn't it? forgive my ignorance.

the walkers doing circuits along the fence is spooky.  like ragdoll kitties, only dead!  it's a pretty sharp contrast to how healthy everyone in the group still looks.  but i guess that's consistent inattention to detail?

9:24 - the girls stop singing and rick decides to tell everyone to go to bed, because they have a "big day tomorrow." he plans on getting inside.

"most of the walkers are dressed as guards and prisoners..."

he thinks supplies, and maybe rations would be inside. weapons. food. medicine. he thinks the place could be a gold mine. hershel says they're low on ammo, and i wonder why they shot the fuck out of so many walkers earlier?

"these assholes don't stand a chance." rick says... of the walkers i think? what a jerk. would you call a lion or a shark an asshole?

would you shoot the children for laughing?

9:25 - lori corners rick. she thinks they should hang out in the yard for a while, and let people recuperate.  they have a heated conversation about the baby, and birthing, etc. rick seems pretty ignorant to like, y'know the safety of his wife and unborn child. he tells her to talk to hershel. yeah, you guys know hershel - the veterinarian that barely saved his son's life last season? yeah. that dude.

9:30 - inside a store, some walkers lurk. so some lurkers lurk? anyway, michonne cuts the shit out of the three out of them, decapitating all, and gets her medicine.

9:30 - the group tears open the gate and makes a run for it.

oh my shit! walker riot cops! so scary! oh, wow.
glen figures it out.
what do you do? they have extra armour!!

any way, the group is getting cornered, but they continue to hack stab and kill away.
maggie gets a nice stab on one of the SWAT Walkers, and she gets super happy.

 perry!  perry!  i got the bloodlust.

"see that?" she asks

anyway, shit is getting hectic.
there are some pretty cool melee kills in this scene in general. knives, spears, tire irons, woo!

9:32 - bodies everywhere. holy shit.

seems like everyone made it, safely.
they discuss the safety of the prison inside, noting some of the walkers were clearly civilian.

rick decides they've gone to far to hole up, and must press on to the inside.

9:34 - they get in and things are eerily quiet, and quite nicely shot.

the group makes the rounds and finds some grizzly scenes, and some keys, but few walkers this early on.

9:35 - they press on, finding more and more dead guards, and inmates. it's super creepy and quiet... i dig the lack of score, and yet... where's bear?

9:36 - they find some cells with walkers locked up. interesting.
daryl and t-dog take care of it.

9:36 - they decide they can move into this cell block for now. in the morning they'll seek out the cafeteria and infirmary. tonight they'll sleep in cells. except daryl.

"i won't sleep in no cage. i'll be up on the perch."

9:37 - some weird moments between carl, beth and hershel.

then glen is checking maggie for scratches.

daryl gets comfy on his perch, and rick walks around.

everyone is all bloody.
what the shit. that can't be sanitary.

9:38 - rick sits in the hallway, seemingly lost... commercialz!

9:43 - we're back with michonne. she's entering sportsman's deer cooler with her two confidants, who well, we've met before. she runs to the back where she's stashed andrea.

"what are you doing out here?" she asks andrea.

apparently the meds from earlier were for andrea.
we approve of the michonne casting.

andrea's pretty sick it seems.

"how is it out there," she asks michonne.
"same, it's quiet." michonne says.
"you're lying."
"we should be gone in a few days."

she goes on to tell michonne she should leave, but michonne won't.
andrea doesn't want michonne dying for her. they have some terse words.

michonne is kind though, and willing to wait a few days for andrea.

why can't those two happen? why?

 

9:46 - outback the deer cooler, they walk through some lumber and out into the woods.

9:47 - back in prison, the gang rounds up weapons and, umm, gross riot gear from walkers they've offed. carol's calling hershel off now, because lori is worried about the baby. she thinks the baby is infected, and dead and a walker in there. that's pretty terrifying.

9:48 - "if i come back, what if i attack it?" she asks. she's concerned about being a mother in this world. this poor woman. this is the shit rick told her to discuss with hershel. this lady is hard. so is herhsel. these people are so tough.

anyway, she tells hershel to kill her or rick, or anyone that goes walker and gets at the baby. 

now she's complaing about carl's incoming adolescent rage. blah blah blah. then she's sad about rick, and shane, and the way it all played out.

9:49 - back downstairs, the men suit up with riot gear.

rick tells carl to stay back.

"you're kidding," carl says.

there's some more weird carl/beth shipping, and rick tells carl that "if anything happens, you'll be the last man standing."

then they go to commercial, 'cause, well, y'know.

9:55 - so we're back, and everyone has a flashlight, and it's like, classic zombie movie meets cartoon flashlight scene.

 

they paint directions on the walls.

9:56 - as they continue painting arrows on the wall to find the way back we find many, many dismembered bodies.

ooh no! around the corner, there's like, a mini-horde, and they're hungry. hungry, hungry prisoners.

the group makes a run for it and gets back to a door for safety, but they may have trapped themselves.

9:57 - rick decides they must go back! but which way?!

...isn't this why they painted arrows? and wouldn't the corpses provide landmarks?

oh now - maggie and glen and are seperated from thr group! so is hershel!

9:58 - hershel walks past a sitting walker... it awakens and bites his ankle! he blasts it away, but he's too late! the noise reconnects everyone, but hershel is certainly bitten!

9:59 - the group manages to drag him out, and t-dog is holding the door.

9:59 - woooow! rick decides that the only way to stop the infecting is the cut off the bottom of hershel's leg.
holy shit! holy shit, that's what a dude says, because some people saw this happen! right after rick finishes turning hershel's leg into a stump, some people who appear to be inmates rise up from the back of the scene.

"holy shit"

yep, that's what the dude said.

that's the end of it.
a pretty good opener, but a little slow and not really establishing too, too much. however, it wasn't terrible, so we enjoyed it almost as much as rick now seems to enjoy killing.  plus hey!  t-dog had more than one line this episode!  maybe they're learning after all.

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